If You Only Knew
by Life-is-AmazingXD
Summary: Mari has always been a special youngling. No one understands her. No one but Obi-Wan Kenobi. When Mari looses control and nearly kills a fellow youngling, she must not only face potential expulsion from the Jedi order but also rethink her ties to Kenobi.
1. Run

**Note: Mari is my Jedi. Everyone and everything else belongs to George Lucus. **

This is set before the Close Wars. Even before Obi-Wan becomes Master Qui-Gon's padawan. I hope you enjoy.

_Please read and review! _

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><p>If You Only Knew<p>

I looked on in agony as I watched the silent chemistry spark between Obi-Wan and Siri. I felt my heart squeeze in the most painful way. I bit my lip, trying to suppress the tears that blurred my vision.

"Mari," My dueling partner said, trying to call my attention back to him. But I couldn't peel my eyes away. Obi-Wan was usually my partner, but Siri had claimed him before I could. It made me feel sick thinking that I was losing my best friend to the likes of _her_.

As I watched the poetic dance between them, I understood why Obi-Wan liked her more than me. Their lightsabers struck with so much power it filled the room. Lots of other younglings, and potential padawans were stopping to watch. I, personally, watched Siri in particularly. Her long blond hair flowed like the golden grass on my home planet in the sweet smelling breeze that came off the lake around my house. She moved with such grace and lithe she reminded me of Nexu. Her slim body easily hinted at the raw power she contained. No wonder Obi-Wan liked her. She was perfect for him. She could easily match him.

Whereas I couldn't.

I was nearly the complete opposite of her. I had short dark brown hair. Though I worked just as hard, sometimes harder, than anyone ever had to work, I didn't move with the grace that she did. My little girl fat still clung to my body, refusing to shed. But most of all, Siri was a normal youngling. She was never thrown into the future at random times. She was never called "spacey" or made fun of because she didn't have the curse that I was forced bear.

"Mari! Hello?" My partner yelled. "Why did I have to get stuck with Ms. Out-of-It?"

That grabbed my attention. I snapped back to him. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing. Can we please just practice?"

"No. I heard what you said! You have _no _idea what I have to go through!"

"You know, all of us are getting kind of sick of this. Even the Jedi Masters are unsure what to do with you."

My jaw snapped together. Overwhelming anger and frustration sent adrenaline pulsing through my veins.

And I gave into it.

My lightsaber was out and striking against his with ferocity that I didn't even know I had. I stopping thinking and let my body do what it knew to do. I pushed him back rapidly until her was pressed against the wall, his lightsaber barely able to keep mind from taking his life. I heard him begging for me to stop. I think there was someone calling for help too. But none of it was registering.

It wasn't until my lightsaber was being torn from my grasp did the blind rage fall away and the rushing in my ears fall away. I stood in the center of the herd, gasping for air. Slowly I looked around, becoming very aware of everyone around me, staring at me, judging me.

Like always.

I glanced at Obi-Wan, Siri unnaturally close at his side. He wasn't judging me. He wasn't even looking at me. He was looking down. I could sense his disappointment. That killed me even more than anything else; even more than the cruel whispers whirling around me.

I looked down at my dueling partner who'd slumped down to the floor, catching his breath. His drained face was covered in sweat. I knew that it shouldn't have but his trembling, terrified figure gave me a great deal of satisfaction.

"I'm –I'm so sorry…I –I didn't mean…to…" But my apology fell on deaf ears.

"What is wrong with you?" He wasn't listening. He didn't care.

I shook my head. Why did this always happen to me?

"Move out of the way!"

I looked in horror as a group of Jedi Masters pushed their way through the younglings.

I panicked.

I turned and ran the other way, using the Force to persuade people out of the way.


	2. Truth

**Note: Mari (Mar-ee) is my character. My Jedi. Everyone and everything else belongs to George Lucus. :)**

Here's chapter two! Enjoy! I know it's kinda slow. Please read and review! I'd really love some feed back of any kind. Any kind at all.

Happy reading!

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><p>Once through the throng of peers, I took off running letting the Force guide me to a hiding place. I threw myself into an empty teaching room. I slid into the corner, pulling my knees up to my chest. I gripped them hard, giving into my tears. I knew better. I knew I was better than this. But at the moment, I didn't care. I let each feeling of anger, frustration, and fear wash over me and when I was done, I let it go. I forgave my bullies. I resolved my frustrations. But my fear, I had a hard time letting go. I searched through what I feared.<p>

I feared rejection. I feared retribution. I feared loosing Obi-Wan. I took a deep breath, trying to find a way to overcome these ways to the Dark Side.

My body began to recoil against having to sit so balled up. That's how long I'd sat there. I looked up, letting my body stretch out, the tension falling away. I look about the room and to my dismay realized the room I picked. It was the room where Obi-Wan and I used to train privately. Before he met Siri and surpassed me. It we had a lot of laughs in this room, a lot of good times.

A deep sadness consumed me.

I realized now how much I missed him. He was my best friend. My only friend. I'd known him for as long as I could remember. He'd just always been there. And now I was losing him to a beautiful, talented hussy. I hated her. But I hated Obi-Wan more. He truly seemed to be the root of my issues. Him and my stupid visions.

The door opened slowly just as I was about to try to resolve all these personal flaws. Dread washed over me, but I felt calm. I didn't move. I was just going to let come what may. My heart leapt when I sensed who it was.

"Obi-Wan," I said softly. Another thing I hated... I didn't want to see him. Yet, I did...

"Mari?" He looked right at me, his strong countence fell. He looked sad. Disappointed. "Oh Mari." He sighed as he crossed the room, kneeling before me. He held my lightsaber out to me and I took it, setting it on my lap. So he was the one that took it. But I didn't want to talk about it and I think he knew that.

"Are you alright?" He asked slowly as if I were a wounded animal. I resented his slightly condescending tone. It pained me to know that he'd joined the other. The ones that believed I was strange.

I took a deep breath, "I'm fine. "

"Mari, I can sense that you're hurting."

"Obi-Wan, don't talk to me like you're a master. You're not even a padawan yet."

"I didn't mean –"

"I can sense that you think I'm strange, just like the reast of them. But you have _no_ idea what it's like to be me."

"Then tell me Mari! Let me help you!"

"I don't need your help! It's not something that you can help me with! Besides, you'll just abandon me, like you already are!"

Obi-Wan was taken aback. He didn't seem to know what to say. "I –uh –what are you talking about? I'm not abandoning you…"

"Yes you are! I –"

Just then a vision clouded my line of sight. A much older man stood on a veranda, getting ready to get into his Jedi crusier. The vision focused in on his eyes.

It was Obi-Wan!

He leaned in to kiss a woman. A woman that sensed like me. (Eww. I don't want to get old! I looked terrible!) His hand cupped her –my neck. He kissed me and right before we broke apart the vision cleared and I was staring into the face of twelve year old face of Obi-Wan.

"Never mind…", I said, looking down.

"Mari, do you feel like I'm leaving you for Siri?"

I shook my head, heat rushing to my face, betraying me.

"You do! Oh Mari. You're my closest friend. I could never –"

Both he and I looked towards the door. I sensed what he did. Quickly, we stood, moving way from one another. Master Windu and Yoda, himself, entered the room.

My heart began to pound. I knew I had to be in a lot of trouble if the two greatest Jedi Masters of the time were coming personally to retrieve me.

"Come with, you must, youngling. Talk with you, we must," Mast Yoda said, pointing a clawed finger at me.

I nodded, "Yes, Master."

I sensed Obi –Wan's worry but I ignored it. I was done with him. He was a distraction from my studies and training. Besides, he had Siri. He didn't need me, no matter what he said.

I followed the Masters out of the room. I knew I was about to expelled and sent back to my family. It pained me but I'd messed up and there was nothing I could do.


End file.
